All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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