Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
