I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
