I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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