Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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