I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
