Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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