Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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