his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
