I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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