im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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