don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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