Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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