I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
