I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
As shirtless as possible
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
