Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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