Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
