let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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