Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
