when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize