We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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