literally had 100 drinks last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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