I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
