Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
