the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
