I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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