Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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