y did u give ur computer a hand job?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
