i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
