Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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