Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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