Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize