Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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