So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
