He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
