Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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