I just threw up on my dentist
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
