Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
