I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize