I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We need a shit load of segways right now
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
