Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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