He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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