I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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