I saw his package. It spoke to me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
