just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
