"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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