I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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