i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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