Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just cropdusted the office
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
