Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We're too hungover to prance.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A bitchslap is in order.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
