Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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