i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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