It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
