never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
