Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
this is an emotional support booty call
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
