Dual....:-)
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
