I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
third nipple confirmed
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize