Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
