i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
