I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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