Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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