Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
