Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize