Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
