he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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