Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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