I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
