She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
