whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
