is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
