They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize