He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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