Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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