So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize