I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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