Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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