the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
