he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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