I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
