you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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