its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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