no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
