you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
