Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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