if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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