Swine flu. Run for my life!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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