I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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