is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize