watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
