Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So vagazzling was a success
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