All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i believe in u and ur pee
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
