so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
