Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
