I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
