We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
