I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
