You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
