omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
