He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
