Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
