I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
