So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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