What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can't put those talents on a resume
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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