mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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