so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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