Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I want her autograph on my taint
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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