I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
