I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
