Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
