***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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