i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
