Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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