When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
