I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
